I've just published a book summary for Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends by Marisa Franco. I really loved this one — the book challenges some common assumptions about friends and explains how to form deep, rich friendships. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say it's already changed my life and my approach to making and keeping friends.

As usual, the key takeaways are below, and you can find the full summary by clicking the link above.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Platonic relationships are incredibly underrated:

• Our culture puts romantic relationships on a pedestal and assumes single people are unfulfilled. In contrast, we talk about people being “just” friends.
• Platonic relationships can be a source of great intimacy. But because our culture devalues friendships, we assume they should be “easy” and don’t put enough effort into them.

People have different attachment styles, which affect how they approach friendships (and other relationships):

• Securely attached people assume they are worthy of love, so are not overly sensitive to rejection.
• Anxiously attached people are afraid of being abandoned, so are too willing to please others to try and prevent this. They can end up being doormats, and their attempts may backfire and drive others away.
• Avoidantly attached people are also afraid of being abandoned, but they respond by telling themselves they don’t need others. In doing so, they miss out on opportunities for intimacy.

How to be better a friend:

• Take Initiative. We can be reluctant to take the initiative and reach out because we’re afraid of rejection. But studies show there’s usually a “liking gap” in that people like us more than we think.
• Show Vulnerability. We often think people will like us if we come off competent and successful, but the opposite is true — we like people who show vulnerability.
• Be Authentic. This isn’t the same as being “honest”. Being “authentic” means being your best self, not relying on any defence mechanism.
• Deal with Conflict. Avoidants may be too ready to write off friends or ghost them in the face of conflict, while anxious people just ignore conflict.
• Be Generous. Friendships should be give and take, but broadly equal over the long term. Boundaries are important, but there’s a difference between personal boundaries that protect one person and mutual boundaries that protect the relationship.
• Show Affection. Affection strengthens friendships at all stages. In the early stages, it gives people the confidence to invest in a friendship.

As usual, you can find the full detailed summary on the website. If you found this summary useful, consider forwarding to a friend you think might enjoy it.

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​To Summarise​